Why do they buy?
Ever run a poll on Instagram stories asking your audience what they want, only to get a load of answers that don’t line up with what they actually buy? Yep, you’re not imagining it. Customers think they know why they purchase, but the truth is, they usually have no clue. Their decisions aren’t rational, they’re emotional. And if you want to sell more, you’ve got to get to the root of that emotion.
Asking users or customers why they buy usually proves useless, they have no idea. They themselves don’t know which emotions motivate them to buy something and hopefully by now you realise it’s always an emotional response. Specifically for products no one needs, like what you’re selling i.e emotional vs rational. With the simplest example, Cosmetics vs. Food, we need the latter but can survive without the former.
People don’t think in emotive terms even though they may think they do. So your polls on stories etc will prove useless. Never ask them what they want, they simply don’t know! You’ll always find what they say they want is far different to what they actually do.
Your focus should be on what people actually do rather than what they wish they did, we all know the latter will fall foul of the former.
You want to look for discrepancies to expose the real reason and opportunity. Why do people do what they do? What role does it take in their lives? What pain points does it solve? What were they doing just before they purchased? By using your product what would they be doing? What will they be feeling?
You need to put yourself in their shoes and experience an entire week in their lives to really drill down to why they buy. Understand their experiences, desires and emotions and most importantly the context for all of this.
You need to understand their reason why. A good way to do this is simply ask it 5 times. So you have your product, why do they buy it? But why? But why? But why? But why?
This will bring you much closer to the core and you should hopefully land on an emotional cue. You need to understand their specific needs.
Now, here’s where it gets interesting. Once you start digging deeper, you’ll often find the reasons are surprisingly simple but incredibly powerful. It’s rarely about the thing itself. It’s about what the thing represents.
Take candles, for example. No one needs a candle. But people buy them because they want to feel cosy, create a vibe, mark a ritual, or even give a thoughtful gift that shows they care. The candle is just the vehicle for that emotional outcome.
Same with skincare. People aren’t buying moisturiser, they’re buying confidence, self-care, reassurance that they’re looking after themselves.
Stationery? It’s rarely about pens and notebooks. It’s about feeling organised, having control, or giving yourself a fresh start.
Fashion? It’s identity. It’s self-expression. It’s belonging to a tribe.
When you understand this, your marketing stops being about features (“this candle is made of soy wax” or “this moisturiser contains vitamin C”) and starts being about transformation and feeling (“your space becomes calm” or “you glow with confidence”).
How to uncover the real “why”
The trick is to stop asking people directly what they want and instead observe. Look at how they behave.
What products do they buy together?
What do they abandon in their basket?
Which photos do they post when showing off your product?
What language do they use in reviews?
These clues tell you much more than a poll ever could. Someone might write, “This planner is beautiful and sturdy,” but what they’re really saying is: “This makes me feel organised and put together.”
If you want to make this practical, use the Five Whys technique on your own product. For example,
Why did they buy your candle? Because it smells nice.
Why do they want it to smell nice? To make their home inviting.
Why do they want their home inviting? Because they’re having friends over.
Why do they want to impress their friends? Because they want to be seen as a great host.
Why do they want to be a great host? Because deep down, they want love, connection, and acceptance.
Now you’re not selling wax in a jar, you’re selling connection. That’s the emotional driver.
Brands that get this right
The biggest brands understand this on an instinctive level. Apple doesn’t just sell phones, they sell simplicity, status, and the sense of being part of an exclusive group. Nike doesn’t sell trainers, they sell ambition, determination, and the feeling that you can achieve more.
But it works at a small business level too. That handmade mug you sell? It’s not about clay and glaze. It’s about morning rituals, pausing in a busy day, or the joy of owning something unique.
Your next step
So next time you’re tempted to ask your audience what they want, remember they don’t know. Your job isn’t to take their answers at face value, it’s to dig into the emotional cues that drive behaviour. Watch what they actually do, ask “why” until you hit the real root cause, and map out the feelings your product unlocks.
Because people don’t buy candles, they buy calm. They don’t buy lipstick, they buy confidence. They don’t buy stationery, they buy a sense of control.
When you nail that, you stop pushing products and start creating desire. And that’s why they buy.